AGRICULTURE: One of the two breasts of state (the state is masculine but never mind). Should be encouraged. Short of manpower.
AMERICA: Fine example of injustice: Columbus discovered it and it is named after Amerigo Vespucci. If it weren't for the discovery of America, we shouldn't have syphilis and Phyloxera. Praise it all the same, especially if you've never been there. Expatiate on self-government.
ART: Leads to the workhouse. What use is it since machines can make things better and quicker?
ARTISTS: All charlatans. Praise their disinterestedness (old-fashioned). Express surprise that they dress like everyone else (old-fashioned). They earn huge sums but squander them. Often asked to dine out. A woman artist must be a whore. What artists do can't be called work.
BATTLE: Always "bloody." There are always two sets of victors: those who won and those who lost.
BEARD: Sign of strength. Too much beard causes baldness. Helps to protect cravats.
CATS AND DOGS: When you see a dark cloud, don't fail to say, "It's going to rain cats and dogs."
CHRISTIANITY: Freed the slaves.
COMFORT: Important modern discovery.
DIPLOMA: Emblem of knowledge. Proves nothing.
DWARF: Tell the story of General Tom Thumb, and if by any chance you shook his hand, boast of the fact.
ENGLISHWOMEN: Express surprise that they can have pretty children.
FURNITURE: Always fear the worst for your furniture.
HAMMOCK: Characteristic of Creole women. Indispensible in a garden. Persuade yourself that it is more comfortable than a bed.
IDIOTS: Those who think differently from you.
IMAGINATION: Always "lively." Be on your guard against it. When you lack it, attack it in others. To write a novel, all you need is imagination.
IMPERIALISTS: All respectable, polite, peaceable, distinguished people.
KORAN: Book by Mohammed, which is all about women.
MUSICIAN: The characteristic of the true musician is to compose no music, to play no instrument, and to despise virtuosos.
NEWSPAPERS: One can't do without them, but thunder against them. Play an important part in modern society. . . . You must leave them lying about on your drawing-room table, taking care to cut the pages beforehand. Marking a few pages in red pencil is also impressive. In the morning read an article in one of these grave and serious journals; in the evening, in company, bring the conversation round to the subject you have studied in order to shine.
ORIGINAL: Make fun of everything that is original, hate it, jeer at it, and annihilate it if you can.
PYRAMID: Useless edifice.
RABBIT PIE: Always made of cat.
REPUBLICANS: The republicans are not all scoundrels, but all scoundrels are republicans.
STUDENTS: All wear red berets and tight-fitting trousers, smoke pipes in the street and never study.
TIME: Thunder against it. Deplore the fact that there is nothing poetic about it. Call it a time of transition, of decadence.
WORKMAN: Always honest, unless he is rioting.